It's Snowing

So it just snowed about a foot and half in the local mountains. I am an avid snowboarder, So very "amped" about that. So I sit up late thinking about life. Snowboarding, Love. Lost love. why love? I see her and I can't have her. Why? You can see how my train of thought could lead together on this one.

Snow= Love

Love= Loves that I once had and lost

Lost= hurt, my heart hurts


I don't understand it. All the words that I try to use to explain don't come close to the feeling of a lost love. As much as I know about love, "which isn't much" I know that I loved someone. I couldn't bring myself to accept their love. I couldn't believe that they would love person like me. A person who fails. A person who can't give themselves a straight answer about life. Why couldn't I just accept it. Let it in. Take it and everything that came with it. But no, I couldn't. Love= Lost.

I really don't mean to make this blog about mostly sad things. Sad times in life. but I find when I am alone. With no one else around. I am sad. like I can't just be. Simply, be with myself. I am uncomfortable. "I need to call someone, I need to do something!" I can't just sit there and experience time on my own. At this point in my life, going to sleep is the hardest thing that I can do. I would rather stay up, then sit there, thinking to myself. I hate it. I want peace with myself. I want to know that everything is going to be OK. That something, like snow! is going to cover me. Keep me safe. Cover up everything that I have done or had done to me. And I can just be. Just be ME.

Snow= Love

Love= Me

Love= Myself


As I develop this blog, I want to learn how to relate to people. How can I write so that more people can relate. That someone can take some words on this page and connect it to their lives. I hope that it can be achieved. I am going to have another author join me in this task, hope maintain and kind of openness and honesty about life. Common life. For I don't want this to be purely one sided blog, but have the opinion of more then one. So more people can relate.

-D

It's Raining

It's the first post. I feel that this should be the post that explains why I made this blog. I made it for a simple reason. To hopefully relate with one or two people out there. I have no idea what sort of influence I should have or what effect my words have on anything. I am a person simply writing to write. Common things. Ideas, concepts, struggles and mishaps of the everyday common life. How I see it. Through my common eyes.

So it's raining. Normally a very welcomed experience that I love to indulge myself in. but today I don't feel like it. I feel like being depressed. I guess I just have myself to blame. Do we ever purposefully make ourselves depressed. Depressed just for the sake of being depressed. To see if you can really feel depressed. Surprisingly it's not to far off for me in emotions right now. I can easily achieve the feeling.
As I sit and drink a glass of wine I think of anyone else. anyone else out there that can relate with the single feeling that I am having at this moment. Maybe a motivator of loneliness or want of something more. Or simply for someone to relate with me. So, my Dad told me yesterday to create a blog.

"A blog of your feelings and thoughts and just make it. Don't care who reads it or why, but just do it. "

I kind of laughed and thought it was stupid...well here I am. I am not a skilled writer of any sort or a person that is trying to pursue being a author. lol Again, just a common person wanting to see if anyone else relates in this world. I am interested to see where this is going to go. Aren't you? (the fictitious person that I think is reading this!) Well keep reading, check in once and a while a see what a screw up like me has written about this life. A life that's hard.

Feeling: depressed and wanting. Wanting for something more then simply a feeling that lasts only a moment. A feeling that can take me to tomorrow. "wow, kinda emo. lol"

(oh when I put stuff in quotes, they are commentary on what I think about what I am writing. I think I can write things and sit back and look at what I wrote and go "fucking stupid.")

So there it is, the first post. Hopefully more to come. With my common life getting in the way, I will update as much as possible.

-D